Candy Store

"Candy Store" is the second song of Act One of Heathers the Musical. In this song, Heather Chandler lays down the law and offers her protegée Veronica Sawyer a choice: be cruel and powerful like the Heathers, or go back to your loser friends and be nobody. The song starts when Veronica realizes Chandler has tricked her into forging a cruel love letter to Martha Dunnstock, posing as Martha’s lifelong crush, Ram Sweeney.

Lyrics
 [HEATHER CHANDLER]

Are we gonna have a problem?

You got a bone to pick?

You’ve come so far

Why now are you pulling on my dick?

I’d normally slap your face off

And everyone here could watch

But I’m feeling nice

Here’s some advice

Listen up, biotch!

[HEATHER DUKE & HEATHER MCNAMARA]

I like!

[HEATHER CHANDLER]

Lookin’ hot

Buying stuff they cannot

[HEATHER DUKE & HEATHER MCNAMARA]

I like!

[HEATHER CHANDLER]

Drinkin’ hard

Maxin’ Dad’s credit card

[HEATHER DUKE & HEATHER MCNAMARA]

I like!

[HEATHER CHANDLER]

Skippin’ gym

Scaring her

Screwing him

[HEATHER DUKE & HEATHER MCNAMARA]

I like!

[HEATHER CHANDLER]

Killer clothes

[ALL HEATHERS]

Kickin’ nerds in the nose!

[HEATHER CHANDLER]

If you lack the balls

You can go play dolls

Let your mommy fix you a snack

[HEATHER DUKE & HEATHER MCNAMARA]

Woah!

[HEATHER CHANDLER]

Or you could come smoke

Pound some rum and coke

In my Porsche with the quarterback

[ALL HEATHERS]

Woah! Woah! Woah!

Honey, whatchu waitin’ for?

Welcome to my candy store

Time for you to prove you’re not a loser anymore

Then step into my candy store

[HEATHER CHANDLER & HEATHER MCNAMARA]

Guys fall

[HEATHER DUKE]

At your feet

Pay the check

[HEATHER MCNAMARA]

Help you cheat

[ALL HEATHERS]

All you

[HEATHER DUKE]

Have to do

[HEATHER CHANDLER]

Say goodbye to Shamu

[ALL HEATHERS]

That freak’s

[HEATHER MCNAMARA]

Not your friend

I can tell in the end

[ALL HEATHERS]

If she

[HEATHER MCNAMARA]

Had your shot

[ALL HEATHERS]

She would leave you to rot

[HEATHER MCNAMARA]

‘Course if you don’t care

Fine! Go braid her hair

Maybe Sesame Street is on

[ALL HEATHERS]

Woah!

[HEATHER MCNAMARA]

Or forget that creep

[HEATHER DUKE]

And get in my jeep

[HEATHER CHANDLER]

Let’s go tear up someone’s lawn

[ALL HEATHERS]

Woah! Woah! Woah!

Honey, whatchu waitin’ for?

Welcome to my candy store

You just gotta prove you’re not a pussy anymore

Then step into my candy store

[HEATHER CHANDLER]

You can join the team

[HEATHER DUKE & HEATHER MCNAMARA]

Or you can bitch and moan

[HEATHER CHANDLER]

You can live the dream

[HEATHER DUKE & HEATHER MCNAMARA]

Or you can die alone

[HEATHER CHANDLER]

You can fly with eagles

[ALL HEATHERS]

Or if you prefer

[HEATHER CHANDLER]

Keep on testing me

[HEATHER DUKE & HEATHER MCNAMARA]

And end up like her!

[MARTHA]

Veronica, look!

Ram invited me to his homecoming party.

This proves he’s been thinking about me.

[VERONICA]

Color me stoked

[MARTHA]

I’m so happy!

[ALL HEATHERS]

Woah!

[HEATHER DUKE]

Honey, whachu waiting fo—

[HEATHER CHANDLER]

SHUT UP, HEATHER!

[HEATHER CHANDLER]

Step into my candy store!

[HEATHER DUKE & HEATHER MCNAMARA, & HEATHER CHANDLER]

Time for you to prove you’re not a lame ass anymore (Oooh woah! Woah oh oh!)

Then step into my candy store

[ALL HEATHERS]

It’s my candy store

It’s my candy

It’s my candy store

It’s my candy

It’s my candy store

It’s my candy store